Today, I am going to talk about something that has been bothering me for a very long time.  It used to be one of the biggest frustrations I had with my jobs in retail, as well as a current frustration I have living in the West. Manners.  Yes, that’s what I said.  I truly believe, that manners are becoming almost non-existent, to a lot of people.  I know, as a parent, I never gave my children anything without the “magic words”.  Why, as a society, are we forgetting the simplest of common courtesy?  Please and thank you go a very long way, towards getting treated with respect and dignity in any interaction.

As a person, very recently out of a career in retail, I have watched it go from bad to worse over the 10+ years, I was employed working with the public.  I seriously think that every single person who shops or eats in restaurants, should spend at least a few month of their lives, doing just that, serving the public.  It is very eye-opening and quite often a very thankless thing to do, literally.  Do you have any idea how many people avoided me throwing a hanger at their heads, just because I knew I was the bigger person, or would get charged with assault?  The number is really very large.

It used to be that it was mostly kids that seemed to forget their manners, but over the past decade, it has become abundantly clear to me that a lot of adults think they come to some magical age, and they don’t have to say “Could I have a fitting room, PLEASE?”  The norm of course was to hear “Get me a fitting room!”.    A  few times I know I could have gotten myself into trouble, because I would purposely, smile and wait for a second or FIVE, and when they looked at me strangely, I would ever so sweetly reply “Oh, I usually wait for a please!”  Then I would happily take their bundle of clothes from them, start leading them off to the fitting room, chattering about how sometimes the MOM in me just came out.  Truth be told, I was always kind of waiting to see if someone would complain.  Seriously, they were going to say what exactly?  That I was calling them out for being rude, by expecting to be treated with respect and hearing a please.  Hmmmm, who would they really have been pointing a finger at, me or themselves?

When did it become acceptable behaviour to treat the people who are in the service industry like they are second-classed citizens, for doing what they do? I know for a fact, that I was looked down upon when I was helping some people.  I am a strong believer that no one of us is better than the other.  And, truly, it is the adults who were far worse.  Yes, you had the teenage girls who came in to play dress up, with no intentions, or money to buy, who made huge messes, but they generally, said please and thank you.  It was more often their mothers, who totally forgot.  What are we saying to our children? We are raising a generation that may soon learn that ignorance can be rewarded.  I sincerely believe that when a person forgets something so simple,  as a please or a thank you, they must be forgetting a lot of awfully valuable lessons,  about how to treat people the way they themselves want to be treated.

It is always amazingly clear to me when I return home to the East, that some of this is definitely cultural.  Back home, people hold the door for you when you walk in somewhere.  When you are driving in your car, you are far more likely to be waved into traffic, or waved to when you let someone in.  A simple enough gesture, I think.  I can distinctly remember, on a not too distant visit, to a Tim Horton’s, in Lower Sackville, NS, saying out loud to my companion, that I was definitely home, when someone said thank you to me when I held the door for them as we were leaving.  I was kind of awed, until I realized, that maybe I was become part of the problem by accepting, NOT hearing the words, as the norm.  I honestly don’t think any of us should accept that.  I know my parents taught me better, and I taught my kids better, but  I sometimes justify it by saying that maybe that person who forgets, wasn’t taught properly.  It isn’t correct for me to assume that.

You could take it one step further, and think that maybe they are just having a bad day, but that is no excuse either.  It should be something that comes entirely as second nature.  If you are of my generation, think about it.  Would we have ever dared not say please and thank you or ask to be excused from the table at dinner time?  I seriously think not.  So, why are we accepting it from each other today?  Why are we allowing our children to view us this way, so that they,  at some point, think it is acceptable behaviour?

I watch my daughter-in-law, work very hard to get my,  almost 2 year old grandson to say “Juice Please” and to say thank you when he gets it, or at least ta ta.  I know it takes a lot of work, as a parent or grandparent to instill this in a child, so why do we, at some point,  let that slide ourselves?  I know I keep asking a lot of questions here today, but maybe it’s time we all took a step back long enough to try and answer them for ourselves.  We can not continue to accept this as correct, or we will become a world that, I don’t frankly like.  I love people, and I am fascinated by how we all interact with each other, but I am also afraid our interactions could be so much more pleasant,with the re-introduction of some good old fashioned common courtesy.

I know, I am just one person, venting a little about something that bugs me, but I sincerely hope, that in reading this, you will stop and think about how often you may be forgetting your manners.  The old adage that you draw more flies with honey than vinegar, I honestly believe still holds true.  A warm smile and a thank you, can go a long way in making that coffee shop girl feel appreciated for standing there for eight hours.  I challenge you to try and think abut your own interactions with people, today or tomorrow.  Your kids, your parents, your siblings, the grocery check out clerk.  Are you part of the problem I am talking about, or are you part of the solution?   Did you say thank you when your son picked up his clothes off the floor, or when your husband remembered to stop for milk?  I don’t believe that anyone can be 100% truthful in saying they NEVER forget, but maybe by being aware, in some small way, it will make us try and NOT forget more often.