Whenever we are faced with death, in any capacity, there is true, heart-wrenching sadness.  Generally, when someone passes, they have loved ones, unless they were truly miserable souls, who have to pick up the pieces, and move on, with a void in their lives that will never be filled again.  I know that time passes, and the wound heals, to a point, but there will always be hurt and pain associated with loss.  Recently, a very good friend lost her mother, due to a rather rapidly progressing illness, that had her apparently healthy one minute, and facing the end of her life, within the space of just a few terrifyingly short months. My heart aches for her family, especially her grandchildren, who will have less of a memory of her as the years pass.  I want to share something very profound with you here today, about this situation.

I have never been a fan of funerals, which I am sure is the case with all of us. My grandmother’s funeral was horrific, and when my ex-brother-in-law passed, 7 years ago, that was the most devastating service I have ever attended.  He died very suddenly, very young, in a sickening truck accident.  He was a much loved member of his family and community, and the church was packed to capacity and beyond.  Everyone, and I do mean everyone, was crying and beside themselves, and a couple of the family members had to be physically helped from the church, because they almost collapsed.  That being my experience, as well as the services for my ex-father-in-law, just after Christmas, and I should say, I was not ready for another one so soon.

I have to be honest right now, and say that I had only met my friend’s mother once, and I can’t even truly remember what we discussed, or much of the interaction.  I know she was a good person, as she helped to raise a fabulous daughter, whom I admire greatly.  As soon as I heard of her death, I contacted my friend to find out when and where there would be a service, and if it was going to be open.  I knew, that it really didn’t matter, the date or location, I was going to make every effort to attend, as support.  That being said, as each day drew a little closer, to today, I was dreading going.  I expected  there would be tears, and all the usual prayers, and hymns and whatnot.  I was very, very wrong.

The strength and beauty of what I was a part of this afternoon, was truly uplifting, and I am so glad I made the effort to attend.  First off, it wasn’t in a church or chapel.  It was in a hall, with tables and chairs.  There was no minister, there were only people who loved her.  There was no service, as we are accustomed to seeing.  What this was, was a celebration of  the life of a remarkable woman, I am sorry to say I only truly met today.  Her son-in-law was the emcee for lack of a better word, and he did a marvelous job.  He read a brief summary of  her life, and then handed it off to her husband.  They would have been married 46 years April 4th.  I can not imagine how he managed to stand there and basically take us through their marriage, and the family they raised together, but his admirable strength astounded me.  He took us from blind date, to their recent excursions down south, with such elegance and grace, and the love poured through, every sentence.  Again, let me reiterate, I didn’t know this lady, until today, but her kind and gentle soul reverberated through that entire hall.

They followed dad’s words with the most detailed slideshow I have ever witnessed, from infant, to ballet class, to teenager, young couple, all the way up to and including what must have been very nearly the last picture they would have taken together.  The background music was elegant and spoke of a mother’s love for her children, and grandchildren.  The only sound above the music was a great deal of sniffling, not the usual crying you hear at most funerals, the tears that came from the remembrance of happinesses, and memories, that will continue to live on, but that everyone was sad to know they could no longer add to.  It was so obvious that she had had a great life, and we were reliving that.  I am glad my newest mascara purchase held up to tears, because I hadn’t thought I would be shedding any for someone I really didn’t know.  I do tend to cry when others do, but thought I could hold it together this time, in a room full of people I didn’t know.  Not the case.  I feel truly as if I were blessed to have been able to spend such an intimate time with the people who were there today.  My show of support for a friend ended up being a very positive experience for me.

After the pictures, two of her daughters spoke.  Again, I was amazed and inspired by their ability to speak so eloquently about their mother.  The strength that the entire family showed, was a testament to the values they had learned, and grown with.  I know I could not have been as strong, in the face of such a life altering tragedy.  This afternoon, however, was not about that, it was a celebration and an honouring of her life, her commitment, and her love for her family.  I can honestly say, she must have been an amazing woman, because she raised some pretty outstanding girls.  That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel their tremendous loss, because that came through loud and clear.

I guess, in saying all that, it brings me to this, I whole-heartedly hope with every fibre of my being, that when I pass, at the end of my life cycle, that I will have people who celebrate who I was.  That people will be filled with positive memories of good times, laughter, and love.  That I will have inspired the people I care about to rejoice in my life, and not necessarily wallow in my death.  I know I have helped to raise some pretty amazing people, and that will be a true testament to my accomplishments in this lifetime, as it was in hers.  I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, dear friend, for allowing me to share in the reflections of your mother.  I am truly grateful.  And, if my presence there was a comfort to you, then that is a beautiful bonus.  Be strong and find me if you need me.  I love you.