So, I haven’t sat in front of this screen in far too long, and I want to explain a little bit why, before we move along to what has now inspired me. Anyone who has been following my little site will be aware that my last post was a letter to my granddaughter, prior to her birth. I have had the joy and pleasure to be the mother, and grandmother, to a total of 4 boys, and I was ecstatic when I learned I was finally adding a girl to the mix. I love my daughters-in-law, very much, and, not to diminish that a tiny bit, but I truly believe most women want a little girl, to mould and spoil and, well, experience, from birth.

While on vacation in August, I had a fabulous time with my son, and his wife. We had a lot of conversations, did some sightseeing, ate out, but the most amazing thing we did was to go to a 3D ultrasound, to see our precious angel That was so incredible. To see her precious little face, count her tiny fingers and toes, watch her stick out her wee tongue, and watch her heart beating strong and fast, was truly indescribable. The technology is really mind boggling, when you compare the black and white blurbs, we called ultrasound pictures, from when I was pregnant, to the 57 minute video of her entire anatomy. It was a bit overwhelming, and worth every penny!

The feelings and experiences I had while spending time with Jeremy and Mel, were great, but not all perfect, as is entirely normal I know that a few times, I asked questions, not to start intense conversations, but to find out information on topics that I thought would already have been discussed. I will take the time right now to apologize for bringing up touchy topics, but I do have opinions on most issues, and people who know me, and love me, know that I am not afraid to express them. That might be harder for others to see or understand, and there is definitely the issue of the fact that, not everyone involved in my life, speaks English as a first language. I say that, only as a prelude to the next subject.

As a result of my outspokenness, and what could be explained as a language barrier, a huge misunderstanding ensued, that I do not intend to go into, in detail. Suffice to say, a huge shadow was cast, and a lot of people got hurt, and upset. This cloud is what kept me silent, and apprehensive right up to the start of my latest trip East. Not knowing when our darling bundle would make her grand entrance, booking flights from Alberta to New Brunswick, for 5 people, was truly a shot in the dark, and left everything very much up in the air, as far as planning anything went. Did we strike it lucky, or what?

Somehow, Miss Ava, who is, of course, perfect, managed to arrange very conveniently, to arrive while we were actually on the plane, on our way! We could not have planned it any better, if she had been a scheduled c-section. I will say, that the wait in Toronto airport, was excruciating, knowing she was here and we still had one more flight to go!! I was seriously, just about jumping out of my skin. My baby, just had a baby, and I was finally going to meet, my long-awaited granddaughter. I could still scream thinking about the anticipation. I couldn’t keep the excitement contained when we were deplaning in Toronto, and even told the captain and crew that my girl was born in flight!

We landed, late of course, in Fredericton, and as it was past visiting hours already, we decided that my son and I, along with my ex-husband, would be the only ones to go meet the tiny miracle, while Anne and the kids would wait till the next day. I honestly don’t know if I can adequately begin to explain the feelings and emotions that washed over me when Jeremy placed his baby girl in my arms. I am welling up again now, remembering. I didn’t have the pleasure or honour of welcoming my oldest grandson into the world, but I was present when the youngest was born, and that was an incredible experience, but this was somehow different even than that. I tried to explain it to my parents later, and my mother said she couldn’t understand there being a difference. I explained it to her, probably not very eloquently, that she might not understand because she always HAD a little girl. This is my first excursion into the world of pink, Barbies, and, I am just going to say it, changing little girl diapers! There most certainly is a huge difference there, I am just going to throw that out there. Little boys pee up and out, little girls down and underneath. Just a warning for those of you who only have one or the other.

Holding this precious bundle was overwhelming. I thought of all the things I wanted to do with her. I think I booked a shopping trip into her agenda for about a year’s time. I thought of all the things I want to teach her and share with her, about boys, and fashion, and hair, and books, and gosh, just everything. It all flashed into my mind as I stood cradling her close to me, and telling her how long her Nana had waited for her..probably easily 40 years, nevermind the length of her pregnancy. I also, even though I tried very hard not to, thought briefly about all the things I will miss, living so far away from her, her first real laugh, her first tooth, sitting up, rolling over, standing up. If I were to focus on that, it would eat me up inside. I love that little girl so very much.

Over the course of the next 8 days, I took every and any opportunity to hold her, cuddle her, read to her, oh yes she loves when you read to her, she stares and listens very intently, she is very smart. I told her a million times I love her and kissed her just as many times, I am sure. I changed diapers, fed her bottles, and each night, took her with me for Nana/Ava time, so her Mommy and Daddy could get some sleep. Those were the most special hours, of real bonding. She will never remember them, but I can never forget them. I appreciate that I was given that chance to spend those moments with her, and I can not begin to express just how much they will sustain me, until I can hold her, and feel her little face against mine, again.

Every little bit of apprehension and tension disappeared when I snuggled my granddaughter, and the true test for me that a lot of my misconceptions were just that, was when Jeremy came to me the first night they were home, worried about Ava, and asking me to have a look at her. There was nothing wrong with her apart for a tiny bit of blood around her umbilical cord, but I felt so needed. I had been afraid that maybe my advice wouldn’t be asked, or appreciated after the misunderstandings of the summer, and I was so relieved that that wasn’t the case. I always want to try and be a positive influence in my children’s and grandchildren’s lives. I know that is not always entirely the case, and that children also need to see that their parents and grandparents are also capable of making mistakes, but learning from them.

To say that leaving that little girl, that tiny princess, was hard, is the epitome of the word understatement. I missed her the second I gave her back to her parents. I don’t want her to forget me in the months that I am away. I plan to pick up some very girlie books to read to her, out loud, so she at least recognizes my voice next time, if not my smile, or my touch. Her Dad is being very good about keeping me updated on gains in weight, the clothes she has outgrown, the doctor’s appointments, and for that I am very grateful. It is also nice to see status updates from Mom, frequently. The distance we are apart is going to be a huge challenge, but not unsurmountable. We will make whatever efforts we need to, to build a fabulous relationship. We have made a great start! Nana loves Ava!